The Definition of Sexy
by Mizurio
Summary: UPDATED AND COMPLETE LxLightxL shounenai. Light and L decide to have a short break from working on the Kira case, and the last thing Light expected to happen was for L to call him sexy. But knowing L, nothing is as it seems.
1. Chapter 1: Sexy Hamburger?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note or any if its characters. I also do not own the Merriam-Webster web site or the slight movie reference that some of you might catch if you don't blink. (Although it's obvious.)

**Notes:** This is my first Death Note fanfiction, I hope you enjoy it! This takes place when L and Light are handcuffed together. Which means that Light has no memories of being Kira. Which makes writing this a whole lot easier.

**Warnings:** Strange attempts at humor, somewhat crackish, lots of thinking and male/male content eventually. Hopefully not too much OOC.

oAo

**The Definition of Sexy**

**By Mizurio**

Ever since Light had started working on the Kira case with L, he'd had little time for anything else except for the basics of eating and sleeping (along with the occasional shower. Occasional because he was chained to another_ male_.) He hardly had any contact with the outside world except for news he read online and phone calls from his sister and mother. So could he really be blamed for wanting to watch some TV on one of their rare brakes?

The brunette flipped on the television that was provided by the hotel and mindlessly flipped channels for a few minutes; allowing his brain to slowly turn to mush until it was time to get back to work. The pale, dark haired man that was hand cuffed and sitting next to him paid no attention to Light's zombie like state as he was carefully savoring the taste of a thin slice of strawberry cheese cake.

That's when it happened.

Some day time drama had just switched to commercial and clips of a movie trailer started to play. It was obviously American; with it's over the top humor and bad dialogue. Light was just about to take a trip around the 437 channel world of satellite television when the American on television said two simple words made his eyebrow twitch as the movie trailer finally ended.

"Sounds like…_sexy hamburger_…"

Light blinked. _What the deuce? How in the hell could a hamburger be….sexy?_

"Well, Light-kun beauty is in the eye of the—Wait, what did you say?" L had to a double take to see if he'd heard correctly while Light's eyes widened. Since it was illogical for L to be a mind reader, he mentally cursed himself for thinking out loud. The insomniac across from him raised a curious eyebrow, fork full of cake poised half way from his mouth, waiting for an answer.

It took everything Light had not to gouge his eyes out with that tiny thing L called a fork.

"Nothing…I said nothing…." This was where the awkward silence decided to settle itself. Light carefully turned away from L, as cool and unrifled looking as ever but on the inside he felt like a complete fool. _What the hell are you doing!? What kind of path of mediocrity are you heading down with such irrelevant thoughts!? How stupid, I don't even _like_ hamburgers…I mean—_

"Sexy: adjective. Sexually suggestive or stimulating…" Light looked up from the TV to see L with his laptop and on the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary site. L glanced at Light, "I don't see how these two words can be used in the same sentence…"

It was obvious what the unsaid word was that L was referring to, and the fact that L was actually taking his question seriously made Light want crawl in the nearest hole and just die from embarrassment. L turned back to his computer and read off the second definition of the word 'sexy'.

"Something that is generally attractive or interesting. Hmm…" L pondered this. While he did not find sweets sexually simulating, he certainly thought that they tasted good. They also looked good (they had to or else L would have died from starvation long ago). Sweets could come in all sorts of shapes and sizes along with and array of tastes. With these facts L concluded that one could say that sweets were both attractive _and_ interesting. However the thought of anything being better than a chocolate covered strawberry cheese cake was blasphemy, especially if that anything was a…a _hamburger_. One of the most repulsive looking American concoctions he'd ever laid eyes upon.

It wasn't like he was biased or anything. Not at all….

While the worlds greatest detective was lost in own thoughts (still munching on that cake mind you) on the other end of the couch Light had flipped through all the channels twice and had found nothing appealing to watch, namely to take his mind off his utter self loathing. Seriously, what had he been thinking?! He'd let his mind wander to far…Light looked out of the corner of his eye to steal a glance at L, who was still on his laptop. _Does this guy ever take a real break?_ At least he hadn't brought up there last conversation. Sexy Hamburger….Light thought back on the definition that L had read aloud. There was definitely nothing sexual about a hamburger, although he could think of a few other kinds of foods that could be used _during_ sex as a stimulant…he pushed that thought in the file cabinet of his brain for later.

L absent mindedly began to chew on his thumbnail as he pretended to do work. He wasn't sure if Light had noticed, and if he did he obviously didn't seem to care as the brunette had finally found a show worth interest. L forced himself not to roll his eyes. He swore, that boy could be so indecisive over the littlest things, especially when it came to what he watched on TV it seemed. The scruffy detective went back to the task at hand and continued to feign interest in what was on the screen of his laptop. After looking up the word sexy on multiple online dictionary sites, L concluded that the word sexy could be used to describe anything really. He mentally scolded himself for not thinking so earlier._ It's an_ adjective_ after all…_ but he couldn't help but be thorough in all that he thought of, even it was something as silly as this.

Nevertheless from all his findings would he ever say that hamburgers were 'sexy'. What in the world had Light been watching to bring something like that up, the detective would never know. It wasn't like he wanted to anyway.

After reading a few examples of 'the word' being used in a sentence ('I just got a _sexy_ new car.' "Hey, that's one _sexy_ shirt you got there.") he was ready to indulge himself in a little experiment he just whipped up. He closed his laptop.

As Light finished watching the last of the credits roll of some crime drama there was the light clinking of silverware signaling that L was done with his cake, which also meant break time was over. It seemed to be an unspoken rule the two shared. Just as Light was about to get up—

"Light-kun, I think you're sexy."

Said 'Light-kun' almost fell over, but he quickly composed himself. Was L trying to make fun of him for what he'd said earlier? True, L was a bit childish—the guy had admitted it himself—But Light didn't think that L would directly try to poke fun at him; L was above that (at least he hoped). Was this a test of some kind? What should Light say to the scrawny detective? As Light racked his brain for a proper response L simply sat up from the couch and walked back to the desk full of papers and a desktop computer. Light had no choice but to follow. He caught a glimpse of the insomniacs face to see it held nothing but complete innocence, like he'd never said anything in the first place. Light knew better.

L was anything but innocent.

L sat in his swirly chair in his normal manner and looked expectantly at his computer screen. With how much technology cost nowadays, he'd hope that they could at least make something that would just make cake instantly appear with the press of a button. Although that might be asking a little to much….He booted up the computer. L had carefully observed Light's reaction the entire time. The teenagers face had gone through a range of emotions in that spilt second it took for Light to put his mask back on. There had been shock, embarrassment, with a hint of horror and disgust. L sat at his desk and began to do some actual work….well, sort of.

This new experiment was going to interesting. Not to mention something to distract his mind from the Kira case during break, which meant he would have to have more of those now. When the detective felt a pair of eyes drilling holes into his back he stared to really get to work. L didn't have to look at Light to know that the brunette was still sweating it out.

The next few hours were going to be very interesting.

OvO

**Notes:** Comments, criticism, flames, anything is greatly appreciated. I hope I kept L and Light some what in character, so any suggestions for improving on that would help out a lot! The next chapter should be out in a week at the longest.

I wonder what L's devious plan is….Haha!


	2. Chapter 2: Light Interrupted

**Notes:** Sorry I couldn't update sooner! It's tough being a senior in marching band. :P

Here's chapter two, taking place directly where the first chapter left off.

Thank you all so much for all of your reviews, faves and alerts!

Now, the beginning stages of L's crazy plan start to take action! Ha-HA!

oAo

**Chapter Two**

Light turned back away from glaring at L to glare back at his own work. He knew fully well that L didn't do anything without reason. And there was no way that L's statement was meant as a compliment; it was too sudden, too suspicious.

….Was L trying to say he was as sexy as a hamburger!? Therefore, in some strange sarcasm meaning he was ugly like a hamburger? L didn't eat anything but sweets, so Light supposed to L that any other food would be disgusting….Light held off from jabbing the pen he was writing with into his skull (it was his favorite pen after all). That thought had made absolutely no sense! _And why am I still stuck on this freaking hamburger deal!?_

The brunette shook his head and went back to the paper work that was sitting in front of him…

…

_Argh! Damn you, L! What do you want from me! _It was then that Light accidentally ripped a dime sized hole into the important investigative document he'd been working on with his pen. Light did his best not to sigh in frustration and simply threw the paper into the trash bin beneath his desk. He wouldn't get any work done acting like this. Although, with what little leads they had on the Kira case what they were doing right now was simply going up a creek with out a paddle, as cliché as the metaphor is.

Light pulled out another document and started to get to work. Might as well not think on something that he'd forget about in another hour or two.

Who was he kidding?

L was typing furiously on his keyboard, actually doing work. But apparently, unlike Light, he could think and seriously work at the same time.

_I could use a brownie right about now…_

No one said his thoughts had to be serious.

Sugar would have to wait though, the near infinite gigs of Yotsuba Corp. files L was sorting through was more important. As was watching Light. It had to have been at least a little over an hour now…Light was most likely through with the freak out stages and had gone into the 'I-wonder-what-could-be-L's-devious-plan-to-try-to-make-me-out-as-Kira' stages. Or he was planning to kill the dark haired detective. Either would work.

L had deducted that through a psychiatric analysis of Kira and his actions that the criminal was many things, one of those things being so absurd that it had to be true. L was never wrong. At least that's what the insomniac told himself.

The detective listened to the faint noise of a pen moving against paper from across the room. L had once asked Light why he did not just use the laptop to get most of his work done. L had given it to Light for a reason and that reason was not to collect dust. The reply he received was a short monologue about how typing everything on the computer without physically writing every once in awhile can (and will) diminish the quality of your hang writing. L had tuned the brunette out after the typing part with thoughts of a delicious cake, and thus had not heard that last part that attacked him on his own poor writing skills.

The detective chewed on his thumb nail silently while the noise of Lights writing slightly increased and then slowly became silent.

Light put away the document on Yotsuba's current stocks along with his own notes in a folder and turned to his laptop to work on looking through the profiles of some possible suspects. A small feeling of accomplishment came over him as it was the first work he'd finished since break. He tapped his pen on the desk and placed it neatly beside his laptop.

L switched thumbs in discontent. How was L supposed to come to a conclusion on his hypothesis if Light had stopped writing? He would have to get Light flustered again to get his plan back in action. Not that he was complaining. L turned in his swirly chair to face the other (questionable) genius.

"Light-kun?"

A hesitant pause. "Y-Yes. Ryuuzaki?"

"How's progress on your end coming?" _At least he's still uncomfortable. An uncomfortable Light is a gullible Light._

"Ah…" Light inwardly cringed. L had never asked him this before; they would always wait until the rest of the investigation team showed up and then share their progress with everyone. When Light realized he wasn't facing L he quickly turned around to see the detective sitting there with his thumb in his mouth. _What is he, a four year old? Give me a break…_

Light decided to throw him off with the truth, instead of lying through his teeth like he always did.

"Actually after looking through some files and looking at some possible suspects….I'm not really making any progress….But—"

L shrugged his shoulders, "I expected as such." Light frowned, what was he, a book? "But I know that you are doing your best, Light-kun."

Light tried not to gag. What was with all the 'Light-kun' nonsense?! And..._Did he just _wink_ at me?!_ Before Light could summon another coherent though the detective across from him quickly turned his chair back to face his computer. If his pen had been in his hand it surely would have broke it in two from Light's grip.

_What is this? Some sort of ploy to try and make me out as Kira? I'm sick of these tests! What must I do to prove myself?! _

Oh, the tension…and for the third time that day Light tried not to kill himself.

Once L was sure that Light wasn't going to get up and beat the snot out of him did he relax. The move was risky, but it was a risk he was willing to take. It was worth it too, he concluded. Once he could hear the frantic sound of a pen moving on paper. It was time for the next move.

"Light-"

"YES?!"

A pause, then: "Sorry. What is it Ryuuzkai?"

"Those files over there—No, to your other right. Yes, those are e-mails from the vice president to the president of Yotsuba Corp. Since the printer is….broken, those are the only hard copies we have left—''

"I thought we weren't to ever mention the…_printer incident_…."

"—So could you please—Just _shut up_ and write a list of the names mentioned in those papers and give it to Matsuda."

Light 'hmph'ed and sorted the e-mails by date, storing his little victory for later blackmail. For some reason that even he didn't know, Light liked to get L riled. Weather the spiky haired detective glared, ignored, or just bluntly snapped at him. The looks on L's face would be just priceless; Light wished he had a camera at those moments.

Of course, it was all for blackmailing purposes. He may not be Kira (at least for the moment, with there being slight holes in his memory, it was rather dicombobulating) , but he was still a manipulative little prick.

At least, that's what he told himself.

After nearly having a stroke from not being able to find his pen for a five whole minutes, he began to write. Each letter was written with the utmost care, with the perfect stroke. Light began to relax as he was nearly a third done with the list.

L immediately stopped typing as he heard the sound of Light's writing growing wild….This time L was sure he would get the results he wanted, but if he turned around to look he would jeopardize his little experiment. He stayed perfectly still and stared at his computer screen. Light hadn't suspected a thing when the detective had given him fake files that were in fact from over a year ago, with a slight alteration on the dates and times. L kept himself perfectly composed as he listened to Light's strange behavior. What had sounded like a normal person writing down a few things had turned into the sound of a snarling beast in heat. The detective was sure that Light was just about to write down the last name on the list.

Light's breathing became ragged as he forgot about his earthly surroundings and continued to write names down. Who would've thought that there were so many names? _No matter I'm almost….done._ The teen had no idea what had come over him; but it felt good. He couldn't remember a time he ever felt this powerful. With an elegant flick of his wrist he finished out the last letter of a persons name. Who it was, Light didn't really care at the moment. Only one name left. The room was begging to feel ten degrees too hot and light pulled at his collar absent mindedly while a bead of sweat slid down his temple.

He lifted his arm in a graceful arc, and right when pen was about to meet paper did the always oblivious Tota Matsuda decide to walk in completely unannounced.

OvO

Stupid Matsuda.

**Notes:** Did anyone discover what L was trying to figure out? Or what he _hasn't_ figured out yet? What exactly IS the printer incident about? We may never know. Since I've been getting really busy, expect the third chapter in about two months, which is about how long it took to crank out this chapter.

Reviews, comments, criticisim, flames? All are very much appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3: Pigeons are Smarter

And here we have the beginning of chapter three, with only one or two chapters left to go.

Many thanks for your reviews, faves, and alerts! So many them to (the alerts I mean)! My only favor I ask is that if you alert this story is that you please also review it. Your comments/opinion/criticism/flame matters to me believe it or not.

I do not own Death Note.

And now to find out how our pair of so called geniuses deal with two new faces entering the fray….That's right, _two_.

oAo

_He lifted his arm in a graceful arc, and right when pen was about to meet paper did the always oblivious Tota Matsuda decide to walk in completely unannounced. _

OvO

**Chapter Three**

"Uh, am I interrupting something?"

If you had blinked the second Matsuda had walked into the room, you'd have completely missed the change in Light's actions. Fortunately, for both L and Light, Matsuda had blinked. Instead of Light swinging his arm down in dramatic success, Light opted to pretend to be scratching his head awkwardly. Matsuda didn't suspect a thing.

"No, nothing at all…" The insomniac said flatly, turning to the other detective. The only sign that L was perturbed was the way his toes curled and gripped the fabric of his chair in irritation.

"What is it, Matsuda-san?" Light's mask was glued firmly in place, with the exception of a twitching eyebrow that was hidden under his bangs.

"Well, Light-kun, it's about—"

"LIIIIIGHT!"

WHAM. Thud.

The last thing Light saw before he blacked out was blonde hair, bright red lipstick and black laced gloves….

…When the youth awoke, it was to the shrill voice of Misa Amane.

"Light-kun, are you alright?! Misa didn't mean to scare you like that!"

_If you really did care, you would get off of me…._It was then that Light realized that he was sprawled out on the floor, spread eagled, with Misa on top of him. The handcuffs that attached him to the scruffy detective (that was still sitting in his chair, looking down at Light with the strangest face) were straining from the distance they were forced to be pulled at. L's cuffed hand stayed firmly in its place on his knees nonetheless.

"Um, Misa…._Could you get off me? _And you didn't scare me." He added the last part to try and save face. What little left he had.

"Oh, Misa Misa is so sorry Light-kun!" The girl quickly got up and tried to help Light, but he refused (it took will power from the pit of his soul not to just slap Misa's hand away. Or slap her in general.). When he was back on his feet the world quickly turned into a seizure of colors.

"You're head collided with the desk pretty hard, Light-kun." The older man hand cuffed to him stated blandly. He was still in his chair, unmoving. _Hopefully he didn't hit is head hard enough to forget how to write. _"Are you alright Light-kun? Maybe we should go to the infirmary…"

"No! No, I'm alright." Light hastily answered as he sat back in his chair. The last thing he needed where cold gloved hands poking at his skull. He winced when he felt the huge knot on the back of his head. "So, what was it that you wanted, Matsuda?"

"For the ten minutes that you were unconscious Matsuda has simply informed me that—"

"Misa Misa wanted to see you before she goes to South Korea for the week!"

Light blinked at the news and L's frown turned deeper from being interrupted. "South Korea?" It was just too good to be true. Light forced back a grin.

"I've tried to convince her otherwise, but—"

"But I have to shoot a movie! The director likes to film on location, and South Korea and Japan are two totally different places!!"

_A pigeon could've told you that. _Light quickly shut his mouth before the words could fly out.

Upon being interrupted Matsuda made a face that Light and L weren't sure was anger or some form of irritation. Both had never seen the cheerful detective upset or angry before, and they sure didn't want to find out what he like in that state. Light coughed to ease the silence. L raised a suspicious eyebrow.

"Amane-san, what makes you think I that I will allow you to leave Japan?"

In reality, the great detective L wanted to do nothing more than to see the annoying girl leave. He'd even buy the tickets himself and watch the plane take off he wanted her to be gone to badly. Never in his entire career as a detective had L known someone so oblivious, so utterly….There was just something about her that made his skin want to rot and fall off whenever she entered the room or opened her mouth. He had to set aside his personal feelings though, he still suspected her being the second Kira after all.

_But maybe…_

"WHAT?! Can't Matsuda come with me? He _is_ supposed to be my 'manager' after all!" Matsuda nearly died when he heard those words. Small beads of sweat were starting to form at his temple.

_Perfect! _Light was ready to do a full blown victory dance, with moves like the water sprinkler and everything. _I'll pack your bags and buy your ticket myself! Just tell me when!! _He turned to L, and with a straight face and neutral tone said, "I don't see a problem with that arrangement. If Matsuda-san keeps an eye on her, then everything should be just fine."

"Only someone like Kira would say that." Light's mouth was about to slide off his face with how deep a frown he had. L simply turned to look back at dumb and dumber. "But Light-kun does have a point. With Matsuda-san watching Misa I trust that nothing suspicious will occur."

"So does that mean that I can go?" Misa's eye lit up like nighttime Tokyo.

"Whenever the next flight is available..." Was L's reply as he reached for his sugar filled coffee.

"EEEE!! Thank you soooo much Ryuuzaki!!!" Misa jumped up and twirled around the room. Matsuda scooted closer to L when Misa clung to Light and spewed off about how much she was going to miss him and how she would call every day to make sure Ryuuzaki wasn't working him to hard or—

"Are you sure about this?" Matsuda whispered to the scraggly detective.

"Of course I am, there's only a ten percent chance that Misa will try to kill you if she is the second Kira on this trip." L sipped on his coffee nonchalantly. _Let Matsuda sweat for awhile, the sooner these two are out of my hair the better._

Matsuda gulped. "Alright then Misa, let's go pack up." Misa cheered as and she released Light from her death grip and skipped out of the room followed by the perplexed Matsuda.

"Oh, wait, Matsuda-san!!" Light jump from his seat, head wound temporarily forgotten. The brunette grabbed the list of employee names he'd written earlier and met Matsuda half way as the detective walked into the room again. "Here, Ryuuzaki wants you look these people up."

_Oh, shit._ L froze in mid coffee sippage. With the interruptions and girl squealing L didn't think that Light would've remembered about the list. The list he made from nearly two-year-old-photoshopped-in-more-reasonable-date-e-mail list.

Matsuda looked down at the names, "Uh, Light." Matsuda whispered "These people stopped working at Yotsuba Corp. A year before the investigation…"

Light blinked, thinking the slight concussion the cause of hearing something wrong, "Excuse me?" Light yanked the paper from Matsuda's hands and looked it over.

"You mean you didn't know?" Matsuda answered with concern. _Maybe Light hit his head harder than I thought…_

L was frozen in his seat, working and listening in on the other two detectives' girlish whispering. If he got up now, would that give him away? _Most definitely. _And there was no plan B. L may be the greatest detective in the world, but he wasn't psychic. He had no idea that Matsuda would come in early; seeing as he was the one always _late._

_Stupid, stupid Matsuda._

Oh well, there was nothing wrong with just winging it.

A few more words were exchanged between Light and Matsuda, before the brunette replied with a curt, "I see." Light ripped the paper and threw it in the trash. "Sorry about the mishap, Matsuda-san."

Light's face visibly darkened, his eyes hidden beneath his bangs, "Uh, don't worry about it. People make mistakes." Matsuda laughed sheepishly before making a hasty exit stage right.

Light turned to look at L, burning holes into the detectives back with a glare that Light was sure he could feel.

_People may make mistakes, but not _me.

oAo

Once again, anther somewhat cliffy. I have to stop ending chapters like that. Not to mention that this chapter and the last have been extremely boring. And for that I apologize. We're nearing the end though (I think)!

Matsuda has no idea what he's just done (poor bastard).

Oh! And I added a poll to my bio. Yeah, yeah it's that cliché 'Who's Your Fave DN character' but go check it out and vote anyway because I like to see what the responses will be.

Please review. Your comments/opinion/criticism/flame matters to me, believe it or not.


	4. Chapter 4: ohomygodwhat!

L explains his craxy hax ways. Maybe, sort of. -shot-

Thank you all for your reviews, faves, alerts, etc.

I tried to keep the character, well, in character. But sometimes the story likes to write itself. Not to mention this is a semi-crack fin turned weird plot thing.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Death Note

**Warnings**: general OOC-ness and some swearing.

oAo

_People may make mistakes, but not _me.

OvO

**Chapter Four**

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. _Or in this case, a tiny fork…_L took another bite of cake as he contemplated his situation. After (that idiot) Matsuda had left, Light had turned on his heel, and walked back to his desk without incident. Not a word had been exchanged between him and the boy. Just silence. Hard, screeching, _unrelenting silence_.

If L knew anything about Light, he knew that he was just seething right now. It wouldn't be long until Light figured it out, and in those few meager seconds he needed to make up something, anything, in an attempt to save his freakishly pale skin. Yes, he was going to be as prepared as a prepared person could possibly be!!

_Yeah, right._

Light was back on his laptop again, working. Or at least pretending to. The only noise being the rapid, somewhat desperate tapping of fingers on a keyboard. He'd been played. _Tricked_. _Punk'd. _And with that thought he was just waiting for that annoying American actor to come busting into the room. But seeing as reality was much worse, the silence hung there and stung like a slap in the face.

Light looked over the piles upon piles of e-mails again and it didn't take another glance for Light to see that these had been doctored up. Light had been too caught up in the heat of writing names to even tell. He absentmindedly chewed on his pen as he started to get the gears in his brain turning.

_Fake e-mails…flirting…Wait, what?_ Could it be defined as flirting? He could chalk it up to manipulation…._Technically, it's flirting._ Light almost cringed as he confirmed his suspicions._ The wink, off hand sexy comment…_Wait. That was how it all started, wasn't it? L had started acting strange after their break. Although, what did L define as 'sexy'? There was the standard text book definition, but there had to be more to the statement then L made it seem. There was always something more, more, more….._Fake e-mails…writing names…_

And then it hit the sociopath like a building just fell on him, and he tried not face palm for not figuring it out sooner. (Although, figuring it out took less than half the time it took you to read this far into the story.) When he realized he'd been gnawing on his favorite pen for past who-knows-how-long he wanted to bang his head on the desk. Not feeling like going for two head injuries in one day, though, he threw pen across the desk and out of his own reach instead. If you love it, set free; as they say.

Light turned back on his chair to face L's back. The other man was hunched over his computer, typing away at nonsense. But he could feel Light's eyes on him. Oh yes, Light had figured it out completely. _Albeit it took a few seconds longer than I anticipated…_

_Time to bite the bullet, as they say. _

L turned to face Light, and was greeted with the sultriest face he'd ever seen on the boy.

"Don't worry, Ryuuzaki," Light started, "I think you're sexy too." A wink—

—_Ohmygodwhatthell?!— _

And then Light turned back around, as if nothing had ever happened.

If the last silence was painful and awkward, then this silence was simply mind splitting. L racked his mind for something, anything, to say and get out of this hole of madness and misunderstanding. He came up with several different stories and outcomes. Most ended with one of them dying or loosing an eye or some other limb.

Another minute passed.

A cough, "Light-kun; I think you misinterpreted what I said earlier—"

The sound of a swiveling chair, then: "Really now? Then explain it to me—"

L tried not to squirm, "Explain what? There is nothing to explain, Light-kun"

Light surpassed a sigh. There was that 'Light-kun' business again. Really, if L wanted to pout and throw a tantrum he might as well have gone all out and started rolling around on the floor screaming at the top of his lungs. Light tried to block out the mental image.

Then Light really sighed, "I just don't understand why—"

"Why what?" _That was original, genius!_ L's toes curled up again in annoyance with himself. All those years of school and IQ points were going down the toilet with how innocent and hot Light was looking at him. While he knew that Light was simply acting to get what he wanted, that didn't stop L from being generally nervous about it. An innocent Light was a dangerous Light.

They both knew why L had done what he did, and L knew that Light just wanted to hear the answers straight from the horses mouth. The detective planned on being as defensive and abrasive as possible, until….

"I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki." Frown, sigh, "If you're not ready to discuss your feelings, then…" A long, strained pause: "I'll just leave you alone."

As Light turned back around to work, L lost it, with arm flailing and everything.

"What? How can you _not_ want to KNOW why I did it!?!"

Silence.

_Oh, shit._

Light turned back around, a wide smirk across his features.

"I hate you."

"Of course." Oh, L could_ hear_ the smugness in Light's tone. L was going to have none of that.

"At least I'm not the one that writes like a power hungry maniac!!"

"So is that why you created that elaborate scheme?" L snorted. They both knew it was anything but elaborate. At least, not by L standards anyway.

"No shit! And it has raised my suspicions of you being Kira by an indescribable amount!!" More arm flailing.

"Sure it has." Light was grinning from ear to ear. His 'I'm-gonna-pretend-to-respect-your-feelings-and-pretend-I'm-no-longer-interested' act had surprisingly worked. Although there were many deep psychological issues as to why L had responded and spilled everything without a blink; they were all moot. He'd gotten L to swear and flail his arms, both of which he had never accomplished until today.

"One more thing,"

L wanted to roll around on the floor like a two year old and have a tantrum. Things were so much easier when you weren't even 4 feet tall and nothing but a mass of fuzzy, tangled black hair. But he was an adult, an adult that had just flailed around like a chicken with its head cut off. Quite a feet without having moved from his chair.

"Why did you decide to use _flirting _tactics to get me to write?" Light was not going to use the word 'riled'. No one 'riled' Yagami Light. Right.

Now it was L's turn to smirk. "Well, that was simple. You, Light," L pointed at said boy, "Are a sexually repressed deviant—"

"A WHAT!?" Now it was Lights turn to do the flailing.

L ignored the interruption, "I used that to my advantage. For the record while you are attractive, your arrogance cancels out your sexiness every once and awhile. At least that is my opinion."

A smirk, "So you really _do_ think I'm sexy?"

"It depends on what you define as 'sexy'." L said blankly as Light frowned, not liking the territory this conversation was going at all.

"Then enlighten me, Ryuuzaki, just what _do_ you define as 'sexy'?" Light knew he was going to regret those words the second they came out of his mouth.

oAo

**Que the long Author Note**

And that's chapter four folks! (shot again)

I really, _really_ tried. I re-wrote this chapter about two or three times, and I'm still not happy with how this chapter went. It's even worse than the last chapter -3-

The ending isn't too much of a cliffy, is it? I tried not leave you guys haning. I don't want Rose-Dragonfire's mob to come back and kill me. (hides)

Also, I was thinking of getting a beta. I'm not sure how the whole thing works out since I've never had anyone look my stuff except for me. If anyone is willing to put up with my stupidity and help bounce ideas around for other fics, drop me an e-mail or something. :)

Review/flames/constructive critisisim mean alot to me. Even if you only give me a 'ROFL' or a 'That was pretty good, but you can do better', you'll have no idea how much that will make me happy.


	5. Final: Air Quotes and Interruptions

Back with a vengeance, this chapter is slightly 'M' rated for some citrus stuffs going on, but nothing too terrible or mind scarring (yeah right like you'd be scared you'd wouldn't be reading this fic if you already weren't rolls eyes Heheh

First of all let me take the time to apologize to all the reviewers and everyone else that has been so patient in waiting for an update. You can all skewer me at the end of the fic.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Death Note

**Warnings**: slight OOC (I try not to!!), maybe some cursing, and finally some actual male/male stuff starts to happen. (shot for taking so long with it) ALSO THIS CHAPTER IS **RATED M** NEAR THE END.

AND NOW FOR THE EXPLOSIVE CONCLUSION!!

oAo

"_Then enlighten me, Ryuuzaki, just what _do_ you define as 'sexy'?" Light knew he was going to regret those words the second they came out of his mouth._

OvO

**Chapter Five**

L rested his head on his knees in that I'm-bored-and-superior-to-you-way that he did whenever he was trying to hide a smirk or a rare smile from Light. He knew that it would agitate the brunette even more than he already was, and that's exactly why he did it.

Light tried not to grimace; he got a deep feeling in his gut that this wasn't going to end well. _Like most of these conversations ever don't?_ He had a point there……He quickly stopped talking to himself. Too many suicidal thoughts in one day had to be unhealthy.

"What do…_I_ define to be 'sexy?'" L asked in a whimsical tone that would have had any sane person with an IQ lower than 102 heading for the hills, but Light was smarter (i.e. not as sane) than the average person. He gave L a quizzical look, determined not to be put off by any of the detective's antics, and crossed his legs impatiently.

L shifted slightly in his chair to where one foot was dangling off the side, "Well, to make things clear between the two of us: What I'm about to state comes from observation and trial by error—"

_Trial by –what-?_ Light decided not to ask.

"—and that anything that I state does not directly apply to any of the other members of the investigation team."

Fine, if L could (finally) act like an adult about this situation, Light would play along. Although he got this suspicious feeling….

"Go on."

A tilt of the head, "Very well then. One of the few things that find attractive in a person is—"

A beep of the computer behind him and Wataris' face lit up the screen, "I hate to interrupt, L. But I thought to inform you that Matsuda-san and Amane-san have just left for South Korea."

Awkward silence.

L's eyebrow involuntarily twitched beneath his thick bangs, an action that didn't go unnoticed by Light; who was as equally perturbed at the interruption. L pressed a button on the computer with a little more force than was necessary.

"Thank you, Watari," He said curtly, "Also, I must ask that you do not interrupt us again—"

_Us?_ L always referred to himself when speaking with Watari, never as _we _or _us_, not even when the entire task force was in the same room with him and Watari was standing right next to him.

"—no matter what the circumstances, unless I call for you. Even if you hear what may sound like screams of agony and or terror, you are not to intrude unless I say so."

Screams of terror?! _Agony?!_ Light unconsciously scooted away from L a few inches and tried not to have a spasm from his mental images.

"…Understood." Watari replied, and then abruptly cut off the connection.

L turned away from the computer, "Anyway, back to what I was saying."

Light held his breath.

"The word 'sexy' can be defined as many things. Webster defines it as 'sexually attractive or stimulating' or 'as something generally attractive or interesting'. I myself find Light-kun to be _very_ interesting."

Light nearly jumped out of his seat. "Just because you find me interesting doesn't mean that—"

L's face scrunched up in annoyance, "You haven't let me finish. And if I may repeat: I said you're _very_ interesting Light-kun…._Very interesting_…"

Oh….._OH…Oh._ "Um…" Light squirmed involuntarily; this was not going as planned. Or was it? Light wasn't sure anymore. At first things had been going so smoothly and then he just had to go and open his big mouth: _"Then enlighten me, Ryuuzaki, just what _do_ you define as 'sexy'?" _Light restrained himself from slapping his palm to his face. When L said something, he usually meant it, or he was making some kind of scheme in his head to try an out him as Kira. If it was the latter, Light would handle it like a champ and plot six ways to Sunday on how to get the scruffy detective back. If it was the former…..Light wasn't sure…He'd never been found…'interesting' (as L had so put it) by another male before.

"But that is only the tip of the metaphorical ice berg." L stated, snapping Light out of his thought process and twirling around in his chair slightly but being careful about the chain of the handcuffs that locked them together. "While I stated that I think you are indeed 'interesting', in no sense do I mean in the physical aspect—"

"So now you're calling me ugly?"

"I'm not done talking. While you have the physical qualities that most anyone would find attractive or as Webster puts it 'sexually stimulating' I myself have never been one to be attracted sexually or otherwise to the physical being."

_Not attracted by physical appearance huh?_ Well that was a first. Everyone had physical preferences whether they claimed to or not, but this being a person who hadn't had contact with people of the outside world until the beginning of this investigation he could find L's statement to be somewhat plausible.

Light straitened up in his chair "Then why did you call me sexy?"

"I called you a sexually repressed deviant for a reason, Light-kun. My comment was to get you, to put it bluntly 'hot and bothered' so that you would unconsciously let out your frustrations out in the form of writing. Writing people's names to be exact, thus also proving a few other theories I have about Kira and why I think he is you."

Light visibly slouched, of course L had an excuse for _everything_. "For the last time, Ryuuzaki, I'm _not—_"

"Stop interrupting, please—But earlier when I had called you that I was not referring to your physical being like you automatically assumed I was; which of course is what I knew you would assume. I was referring to the….Hm, your intellectual being, or your personality is how you would state it I suppose. Although it is a stretch to call one—"

"…Intellectually sexy?"

"Exactly, but even I don't think that makes any sense."

Light thought his brain was about to break and held back a laugh. "So what you are saying, is that you define 'sexy' or 'interesting'—"

"I wish you wouldn't use air quotes Light-ku—"

"—Shut up—By a person's personality and intellectual being? And that of all the people in the world, you're admitting you're attracted to _me?_"

"I really wish you didn't make sound as dramatic as it most certainly is not, Light-kun." L said in a tone of voice like trying to tell a child to wash their hands or brush their teeth every day.

Light felt like his head was going to explode from how metaphorically swelled it was getting. But it quickly deflated when he remembered that with one line L was able to admit his odd attraction to Light and conduct a series of test on it as well all at the same time and in a span of mere seconds.

"How could I _not_ be a little dramatic?"

L sat there and watched Light wave his arms around as he went one about….whatever it was he was going on about. L didn't care because he knew Light was just playing him until he was bored and found something else to do, and L hated to be ignored. So he did the one thing that would both satisfy is attraction to Light and shut him up at the same time. He grabbed Light by the collar of his shirt and in one swift movement he was kissing the closet megalomaniac like there was no tomorrow.

When Light's lips met the other detectives it was painfully obvious that L had zero experience in this department. Light decided to give the older the benefit of the doubt though and easily began to dominate the lip lock. At first it started out closed mouthed, Light moving his lips in a way that said _do as I do._ L silently obeyed and began to imitate the younger's actions.

When Light probed L's mouth open all coherent though was lost as he had totally forgotten how L could learn something in a span of mere seconds.

L was going to have to take back his statement about not being attracted to the physical aspects of Light.

Hands were in hair, tugging the other closer as tongues danced with one another and noises that neither thought they could make while sucking each other's mouths off were made.

"Nn…ah…Oh, _ouch_."

L quickly pulled away, licking his kiss swollen lips. "Are you alright, Light? I didn't think I _bit_ you _that_ hard."

Light rolled his eyes and glided the hand on his head to the rather large bump that had accumulated from an earlier meeting with his desk. L grimaced at the feel of it.

"My apologies, Light. We should get you some ice for that."

Light simply shrugged. "Don't worry about it."

A comfortable silence settled between them as L carefully let his hands roam through Light's hair, his face. It was all going so smoothly until L once again opened his mouth.

"So does this mean that you are attracted to me too, Light-kun?"

Light looked up at L and paused, "I…don't know. I've never had anyone other than women admit their feelings to me." The brunette sat up and L's hands slid from their position on Light's face and back into his own personal space.

"I see, so you kissing back was just revenge for my previous actions…" Light didn't say anything, allowing L to think whatever he wanted about the situation. Both turned back to their respected working spaces, lost in thought.

Light touched his fingers to his lips. Did he really only kiss L for revenge? L did in fact somewhat deserve it for making him go through such an embarrassing situation and conversation. Light thought back to L being cut off from society for so long…Did that mean Light was the first person L had ever been attracted to? Did that mean that...

Light turned back to face L so fast that he nearly fell out of his chair, "Don't tell me that was your first kiss?!"

L looked back at Light, "Wasn't it obvious? For a revenge kiss it was a rather good one, too." He replied, rocking back on his chair, amused at Light's little revelation.

Light's gut sank. He just taken the first kiss of a person he wasn't even sure he _liked_ in that way. Worst of all L was smiling about it too! _Why must he look at me like that?!_ He never felt like more of an ass then he did at that moment.

L titled his head curiously as he watched Light think. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"WHAT?"

"I mean, there is still the possibility that you could be Kira, trying to trick me into attraction…."

"Well I think it's a good idea! Oh yeah, Ryuuzaki, the _Big Bad Kira _is trying to _seduce_ you while at the same time figuring out his own sexuality and wondering what the hell he's doing in the process! You're all _'Oh Light-kun I think you're sexy but please let me explain what I mean but stop talking and kiss me!'_ and then you take back because of some stupid hunch of me being someone I'm not! I'll prove to you I'm not Kira any way I can and if being with you in _that _way will prove it then by god I'm going to do it, no takes-y backs-ies!!" Cue the arm flailing.

L's face was a mask of calm. "Please calm down a breath between sentences Light-kun, and your impersonation of me is completely inaccurate, I do not flutter my eyes like that."

"NO!" Before L knew what was happening Light was ravishing his mouth again.

While Light was giving L the best kiss L was sure he was ever going to get he couldn't help but think back to that silly commercial that started it all. When he had seen it the other night when Light was asleep he immediately went to work on coming up with a way to let his feelings be known to the younger man. While at the same time creating side sweeps to confuse the poor guy into thinking it was just a rouse to make him out as Kira, and then ultimately tricking him into kissing him and his main goal of being with him. The whole plan had been rough drafted, processed, and approved in his mind all in a span of ten minutes and it had worked perfectly.

L was pulled out of his thoughts when Light broke the kiss and stared him in the eyes, both of them panting as if they'd just run a marathon. "So what do you think?"

"Mm, I think I might need a little more _convincing_…" L replied as he pulled Light back to him.

The kiss was harsh and needy as Light and L battled each other for dominance with their tongues and neither knew when it was that Light had moved from his chair into L's lap but it didn't matter because it was suddenly getting _hot_ in the room and—L moaned when Light went from kissing him to sucking on that spot behind his ear and warm hands slid up L's shirt to paw at smooth skin. Not one for being outdone L held back his heated moans and latched his mouth onto where Light's neck met his collar bone and got work on making sure there would be a mark there when he was through. Light let a small squeak slip from his mouth that turned into a full blown moan as L worked his neck and his hands trailed Light's back.

"Aah…for someone…that's never done this before…you're—" Light pause to let L slide his shirt over his head "—You're surprisingly good at this…"

"Why thank you, I aim to please." L said rather smugly while Light thrust his hips against L's and with that L's breath hitched and he bucked back. "L-Light,"

"Stop talking." The brunette slid from the heated detective's lap, kneeled between his knees and began to unzip L's frayed jeans.

L leaned into Light's touch but was held still by a firm hand on his hip.

Light took a breath, he'd never done this before but he'd be damned if L did it to him first. With one swift motion Light pulled down both L's boxers and pants to reveal L's erection and the detective let out a gasp as the cool air brushed over it. His face red and flushed. "Light…"

And right when Light was about to down on him did they both here the light 'click' of the door to their room unlock.

When the rest of the investigation team walked into the room and saw two very pissed off looking (and fully clothed) detectives sitting at opposite ends of the couch, they just figured that they had been fighting again.

L and Light were furious about both having to work on the Kira case with blue balls but they handled is like champs and went on with the meeting as if nothing had ever happened. But whenever their eyes meet there was flash of communication saying that it wasn't the last time they'd ever get a chance to be alone. As Aizawa's cell phone went off in the middle of Light's presentation on his findings, L thought the same thing Aizawa's ringtone sang:

_There's always a tomorrow! _

**END**

OvO

3…2….1! (Is run over and skewered by and angry flaming mob) D:

Well. Now that this is over, I'd like to thank everyone that reviewed, faved, alerted, etc etc etc. I hoped you all enjoyed the final installment of this fic.

Now that this is done I'm making plans on a side story about either the printer incident mentioned in pervious chapters or a story about Misa and Matsuda's jolly old time in Korea. But until then I'm going to be working on updating Mu.

Liked it or not, please leave a review. Your comments/opinion/criticism/flame matters to me, believe it or not!


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